King Olulu
These were our top entries for the November edition of Poetreel Monthly Competition:
Fallen gods by Joshua Osayiwu
https://poetreel.com/track/TUxm51DhPRWlPvt/play
Talent Is Not Enough by Glory Elijah
https://poetreel.com/track/CFMMtiMjM4OmLgX/play
Talent & Effort by Divine Favour Ndada
https://poetreel.com/track/wtkDRmhlO6tYTzT/play
The Debate by Adeniyi De Feyseless
What Makes A Man by Christian Emiewo Oghenefejiro
https://poetreel.com/track/X6sVylImcKS7uFl/play
Thorns and Thrones by Emira Edjemre
https://poetreel.com/track/yNmStbeYcWbltJD/play
Talent Is Not Enough by Joseph Daniel
https://poetreel.com/track/CNo82VVxGdDk7HO/play
Repercussion by Ezeh Uchechukwu
https://poetreel.com/track/WlHf4BajvUh5OZv/play
These are the comments by our Judges:
Saint Rhymes (Judge 1)
Ezeh Uchechukwu - Repercussion.
It's a good poem, though it sounded preachy at some point. Good use of imagery. However, your delivery voice was so monotonous and void of the energy needed for what you were saying!
Grrraciano (Judge 2)
Ezeh Uchechukwu - Repercussion.
Strengths:
1. Imagery and metaphors: The poem uses vivid and effective metaphors like the butterfly to convey themes and ideas.
2. Message and theme: The poem explores a clear and inspiring message about taking action and being courageous.
3. Structure and flow: The poem has a clear and consistent structure, with a good flow of ideas.
Weaknesses:
1. Audio Quality: To say the quality of the audio is poor, is a gross understatement. Then not projecting made it even more unbearable.
2. Tone and consistency: The poem's tone shifts between inspirational, motivational, and cautionary, which affects the overall coherence and has almost no bearing on the theme of the submissions for this slam.
Judge 1
Joshua Osayiwu - Fallen gods.
Good use of imagery and repetition to drive home the central message and create a sense of urgency. There is plenty of room for improvement. Attend more open mics and test your stuff. You have it!
Judge 2
Joshua Osayiwu - Fallen gods.
Strengths: Masterful storytelling, profound philosophical insights, and exceptional use of metaphors. The poem's structure, flow, and emotional resonance are outstanding. This is what poetry should be. Every line relies on the other to make more sense and independently, each line is self-sufficient too. The fact that every line has at least a poetic device is everything to me. The most used device is Allusions. And oh, my love for Greco-Roman mythology! Nothing short of perfection is to be said about the flow. I think that that is the poet's strongest suit.
Weaknesses: While the poem leans more towards self-motivation, the event organizer in me kept looking for how it relates to the theme, "TALENT IS NOT ENOUGH" from the start. It was towards the end, that one gets to understand the indirect approach the poet took to get to the theme. I would have preferred he moved from it. While that is commendable, for a slam, I find this a bit disrespectful to the theme, as one would consider the theme to have been kept at the periphery instead of the centre.
Judge 1
Glory Elijah - Talent Is Not Enough.
Lovely! Your voice inflection emoted each line perfectly. Your poem is also rich in imagery! Keep improving
Judge 2
Glory Elijah - Talent Is Not Enough.
Strengths: Powerful message, rich imagery, strong structure.
Weaknesses: Some clichéd lines, minor disconnects, poor editing (typos) & overly dramatic language. Also, the volume of the audio is painfully low. Maybe because of the mood, you didn't project too, and that left us at the mercy of the "lyrics".
It's a fair attempt at storytelling. Again, I find, "Dearest reader" in a spoken word poem laughably ingenuine.
Judge 1
Divine Favour Ndada - Talent & Effort.
Powerful and relatable imagery. Good use of pidgin language and unforced rhyme schemes. This is a perfect poem. Just improve your voice inflection, let us feel the weight of some of the punchlines. You were chewing some of your words!
Judge 2
Divine Favour Ndada - Talent & Effort.
Strengths: Exceptional use of Nigerian Pidgin English, powerful message, and masterful storytelling. The poem's structure, flow, and emotional resonance are outstanding.
Weaknesses: Although it's a galore of poetic devices like similes, metaphors, and allusions, the use of sound devices and word plays on the hips are like a trace, so I can't see them. Otherwise, this is a perfect masterpiece.
Judge 1
Adeniyi De Feyseless - "The Debate"
Good use of imagery and repetition to drive home the central message and create a sense of urgency. You sounded like someone in a hurry to voice the poem. For next time, take your time and pace your delivery.
Judge 2
Adeniyi De Feyseless - "The Debate"
Strengths: Almost every line has a poetic device but overall, my takeaway is the zooming into the world of "debates" and using the vocabulary associated with it in a spoken word piece. That concept is quite novel to me, and this is the selling point of this piece.
Weaknesses: I see how almost perfect your concept and the writing are, but you didn't give a great reflection of the piece in your delivery, especially regarding voice inflections. Work on your delivery and you will be unstoppable. Well done.
Judge 1
Christian Emiewo Oghenefejiro - What Makes A Man
I think you picked inappropriate background music. I must also say that the poem sounded more like a speech. I recommend you read other established poets and watch their videos often.
Judge 2
Christian Emiewo Oghenefejiro - What Makes A Man
Strengths: Engaging narrative, thought-provoking theme, and effective use of dialogue. The flow of the "poem" is well-executed.
Weaknesses: Although the storytelling and dialogue are top-notch, it at best sounds more like a speech than a poem as poetic devices are more like a trace. Also, the background music relegated the vocals to the background. There are minor pacing issues, and the final line ("Because mother knows best") feels slightly inconsistent with the poem's message. Finally, the piece sounds incomplete.
Judge 1
Emira Edjemre - Thorns and Thrones.
Good one with punchlines, rhymes, and imageries. Delivery can be better. Attend more open mics and test your stuff. You have it!
Judge 2
Emira Edjemre - Thorns and Thrones.
Strengths: I want to be in Lipfest, but I start... lip first", I love me some great wordplay. I can relate to the message, mostly, because I'm a poet. Exceptional honesty, vulnerability, and passion. The poem's narrative is engaging, and the language is rich and evocative. The themes of perseverance, dedication, and collaboration are well-explored. Towards the end, what you did with the second-person point of view is genius. No better way to make any poet relate to the concerns of the piece easily.
Weaknesses: Great piece, but some readers might find the poem's major themes a little peripheral to the subject that the poem is supposed to be majorly concerned with, how "Talent Is Not Enough."
Judge 1
Joseph Daniel - Talent Is Not Enough.
Nice poem. However, your poem didn't carry enough technicality. It sounds plain and preachy. Your delivery was also not too impressive. But hey, don't stop writing. I recommend you read other established poets and watch their videos often.
Judge 2
Joseph Daniel - Talent Is Not Enough.
Strengths: Exceptional clarity, powerful message, and masterful use of metaphors and axioms. The poem's structure, flow, and emotional resonance are outstanding.
Weaknesses: Other than the use of axioms, 2 metaphors, and the refrain, "Talent Is Not Enough", nothing poses this as a poem for a slam. The abrupt end proves this piece to be incomplete, maybe the juiciest part was hacked off and saved for later. Unfortunately, this is what we have to measure and score.
The top three poets are:
3rd: Joshua Osayiwu
2nd: Divine Favour Ndada
1st: Adeniyi De Feyseless
Congrats to the winners, do check your inbox on poetreel.com on or before December 15, 2024, for further information about your prize.
2nd: Divine Favour Ndada
1st: Adeniyi De Feyseless
Congrats to the winners, do check your inbox on poetreel.com on or before December 15, 2024, for further information about your prize.
The December edition of the Poetreel Monthly Competition starts on December 1, 2024.
More details will be available via www.poetreel.com/blogs
Let the words rain, so words can reign!!!
0 commentaires