Paroles

Sometimes,
When the words hit me
It's like lightning striking the sky
A sudden spark, a flash
And for moment, I'm weightless
Like I could float on every syllable
My heart breaking loose
My mind formless without a thought
My lips making way yet dumb
My eyes open yet searching
The unusual starting in my soul
Passion, fire so keen and pulsating

And I, intoxicated with the miraculous infinite image of mystery
I see the universe unfasten and open
Planets palpitating
I ride that high-
The beauty of a thought taking shape
The way a line rolls off my tongue
Suddenly smooth,
Effortless
And I think to myself
This is it
This is what it means to be free
To let the words carry me
Somewhere beyond myself
To a place where I'm more
Than just me

But then, there's the fall
When the words come too heavy
Thick as rain that won't stop
Weighing me down
With thoughts I can't escape.
They press into my chest
Tugging, pulling, demanding more
I try to speak
But the weight of them silences me.
And suddenly,
It's like drowning
In everything I haven't said yet
In everything I still need to feel

This blessing that feels like a trial wrapped in layers of-
Truth and pain, joy, fear
Cuts deep
Opening up wounds I thought were healed
Bringing back memories
I'd rather leave forgotten.
It demands to be felt
And I feel it
Every time

I bleed unto the page
And there's freedom in that
In letting the words flow
In giving them life outside my mind.
But, there's a cost too.
Cos, once they're out
I can't take them back,
Can't unfeel what I have felt
They are no longer mine
They belong to the world
And in that sharing
There's a kind of loss

When the top of my head feels like it's coming off,
I know the words are real
I know they have hit the mark
That I have touched something true
But, real doesn't mean easy
It's a weight I didn't ask for
But, it's one I can't refuse

So, I write
Even when it hurts
Even when it feels like I'm tearing open pieces of myself
I'd thought I'd sealed away
And in the end,
I know there's beauty in the struggle-
In the way the words break me
Only to build me back up again

This gift, this burden
Both at once.
This is what it means
To feel the poetry
Living inside of me.