King Olulu
These were our top entries for the August edition of Poetreel Monthly Competition:
Solomon Obika: https://poetreel.com/track/6G2bfUvQPheMbFF/play
Aanuoluwapo Aremo: https://poetreel.com/track/5cqM9Ca811Nuod5
Ifeoma Elechi : https://poetreel.com/track/DSNYw7y2IWMbNrq/play
Joseph Daniel: https://poetreel.com/track/qcv2lQzckKQ6Clj/play
Victoria Egba: https://poetreel.com/track/3VideKaMiDh2cTC
Mmachukwu Chukwumelu: https://poetreel.com/track/RO9Q7FxCg6AG6JB
Ann Ukornyi: https://poetreel.com/track/PDLTlSbdjbCtGOm/play
Peace Michael: https://poetreel.com/track/XqVtPrCK1IbIHlt
Braimoh Idris: https://poetreel.com/track/4lWbdjQmkAsUxL3
These are the comments by our Judges:
Saint Rhymes (Judge 1):
Peace Michael
You need to work a lot on your diction and enunciation. However, you can try out traditional styles like a guy called Gemini in Nigeria.
Grrraciano (Judge 2):
Peace Michael
A lovely body of ideas yet the points seem far apart and lack the blend required to hold it together in a flowing thought.
Highlight:The use of personification and metaphorical lines is well acknowledged.
Area of improvement: The grammar of the poem but on page and in speech should be worked on as there are grammatical errors too obvious to excuse under poetic licence.
Judge 1:
Victoria Egba
Nice work. I think you can be better with your delivery. Also try as much as you can not to allow your instrumental overshadow your voice
Judge 2:
Victoria Egba
This poem is more engaging as a page poem because the delivery as a spoken word poem needs work.
The essence and meaning of the piece is better digested when it read than when it is heard.
Highlight: The message of the poem is crystal clear and the descriptions are intelligently put. The use of metaphors communicates the beauty of your writing.
Area of improvement: Delivery and pronunciations. As much as it is a beautiful poem, the overall quality of experience depends on the art of delivery.
Judge 1:
Braimoh Idris
Spokenword is performance not recital. I think you should watch more Spokenword videos.
Judge 2:
Braimoh Idris
A Confident delivery of thoughts. This poem is a Monody.
Highlight: The freedom of expression of the poet to delve into lamentation is an unconventional approach.
Area of improvement: The piece falters in structure as it lacks the organize construction of stanzas and verses. Some lines are far apart in terms of correlation to a single thought.
Judge 1:
Ann Ukornyi
Nice poem, but improve on your diction and enunciation.
Judge 2:
Ann Ukornyi
An energetically delivered piece of vivid imagery laced with metaphorical progressions and metaphors.
Highlights: The use of metaphors and the construct of the lines with phrases such as 'I am the essence of existence' communicate the depth of connection of the poet with the idea of the poem.
Area of improvement: Some words written are different from the words delivered.
Judge 1:
Joseph Daniel
Your poem can and should be better. So ensure you keep improving especially in your delivery. Attend more open mics and competitions.
Judge 2:
Joseph Daniel
Great energy in delivery and vocal articulation of the piece. Great writing as well.
Highlight: The detailed personification and beautiful weave of ideas.
Area of improvement : It's hard to find the correlation in the line that reads "I wish I could play a role in a drama but gravity doesn't hold water". So Work on your writing and task yourself to produce More intelligible punchlines.
Judge 1:
Mmachukwu Chukwumelu
"True" and "Pure" can never have the same rhyme! But overall, great poem. I love it.
Judge 2:
Mmachukwu Chukwumelu
A coherent and intelligent delivery of thoughts that holds the attention of the audience to the very end.
Highlight: The unconventional theme of dominance conveyed from the poem's perspective as a poem in itself.
Area of Improvement: The arrangement of the piece could use some spacing and lexical construct.
The grammatical error in the line that reads 'Each rhymes and rhythms contributing...' should also be worked on.
Also, The delivery could pass for a recital as some point more than a spoken word act. That can be worked on.
Judge 1:
Aanuoluwapo Aremo:
Very emotional piece. I will just say keep improving and working on your delivery, diction and enunciation. "Las las" be yourself!
Judge 2:
Aanuoluwapo Aremo:
Highlight: This piece delivers the idea of a poem and gives voice to its perceived thoughts. Subtle yet deep word plays and personification.
Area of improvement: Delivery would help drive the meaning of this piece and allow for mastication and savoury on the part of the audience. It is not a piece to be sped through so, observe breathers and space your lines accordingly.
Judge 1:
Solomon Obika
By your standards, you dropped points. You are an amazing poet.
Judge 2:
Solomon Obika
An academic yet captivating piece. The intellectual weave of ideas and descriptive prowess is impressive.
Highlight: The use of figures of speech mingled with the feelings and audience experiences from the poem's point of view makes it relatable and less vague.
Area of improvement: The tendency to lose the attention of a less academic audience is high considering the use of highly academic language. Consider broadening the scope of your reach by simplifying to a degree the lines while cleverly maintaining the message. That's creativity.
Judge 1:
Ifeoma Elechi
Your poem was very creative and relatable. Great work!
Judge 2:
Ifeoma Elechi
A different, innovative and creative approach which highlights easily relatable struggles of poets across board.
Highlight: The imagery and witty weave of ideas to convey deep thought, reflects the broad perspective of the poet. The message is clearly understood and puts the spotlight on the well being of the poet and consequently the fate and quality of poetry at large.
Area of improvement: The precision in spellings and delivery of the words that constitute the lines. Eg. Of cause, it declares the state of an emergency. "Of course" was misspelled in this line.
'forget his LINES'...
'Passing empty MESSAGES'...
These plurals were omitted in the delivery of the piece.
Things to note:
Mmachukwu Chukwumelu:
This poet was part of the winners in last month's edition (i.e. July) therefore is ineligible to win in this August edition. However, she is eligible for (and to win in) the September edition.
Aanuoluwapo Aremo:
This entry came in after the dealine has lasped. Thus, for sake of fairness, it is ineligible to win in this August edition. However, we appreciate the thought and effort put into submission, which was why it was acknowledged by the judges.
And the Top Three Poets are:
3rd: Ann Ukornyi
2nd: Solomon Obika
1st: Ifeoma Elechi
Congrats to the winners, do check your inbox on poetreel.com on or before September 8, 2024 for further information about your prize.
The September edition of Poetreel Monthly Competition starts from September 1, 2024. More details will be available via www.poetreel.com/blogs
Let the words rain, so words can reign!!!
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